Jars of Clay . . . Vessels of HOPE
Abraham was too old. Noah got drunk. Isaac was a daydreamer. Jacob lied. Joseph was abused. Moses stuttered. Jeremiah and Timothy were too young. Rahab was a prostitute. David was a murderer and an adulterer. Elijah was suicidal. Isaiah preached naked. Jonah ran from God. Naomi was a widow. Job went bankrupt. Peter denied Christ. Martha was too busy. Mary Magdalene was demon-possessed. The Samaritan woman was divorced…more than once. Paul was a murderer. Zaccheus was too small, and Lazarus was dead!
I used to carry this passage around with me on a piece of paper inside my planner so I could get it out and look at it every now and then—just to remind me that all God has to use is weak and broken people. He even spoke through a donkey, which is good news for us who feel called into ministry but also feel woefully inadequate. Sigh.
My pastor and spiritual father used to tell me, “God doesn’t need your ability, Vanessa. He needs your availability. He also said, “God doesn’t call the qualified; He qualifies the called.” (Thank you Pastor Gary :) This helped me so much in my early years of ministry when the “imposter syndrome” would often creep in….that seething whispering voice of the Enemy that says, “Who do you think you are?”
According to clinical psychologists Pauline Clancy and Suzanne Imes, imposter syndrome is the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways. This condition often results in people feeling like “a fraud” or “a phony” and doubting their abilities.
If you are feeling inept or inadequate in any area of your life, this article is for you. In it, I’m going to share two key points that have helped me again and again to remember who I am and WHOSE I am, and to silence the voice of the accuser when he comes to tell me I am not good enough.
I remember that I am only the vessel. The power and anointing that breaks yokes come from God. Have you ever gotten somewhere and realized that you don’t know how you got there? It’s unnerving, but leaves you feeling so grateful that you are surrounded by angels and that Someone is guiding and even carrying you at times. Recently, I heard someone talking about the memoir, Hearing AIDS: How a Deaf Child with AIDS Taught Me to Hear God’s Voice. They said, “I read through it so quickly. The end of each chapter left me wanting to keep reading an know more…” I hear comments like this often, and I stare at them in wonder. Mainly because I don’t know how it happened. I don’t know this book got finished, how it flows so smoothly, how the end of each chapter has just enough suspense that causes the reader want to keep going. I know these are skills of good writers, but I don’t remember intentionally being able to do this. Mother Theresa once called herself “a little pencil in God’s hand.” The English teacher in me loves this metaphor! This helps me in speaking, teaching, and song writing. My part is to walk to the podium, sit down at the keyboard or laptop-and He will do the rest.
I remember that my mentors, leaders and family members are also clay (human) vessels. One of the most difficult memories in my life was the first time I realized my father was human, a mere man.(!) Growing up, he was larger than life to me. His presence filled every room he walked into. He loved better, was more generous and wise than anyone I knew. Yet he was a flawed man, and the first time I discovered a moral failing on his part, it turned my world upside down. And yet it was one of the best things to happen to me and to our relationship.
I realize now that I had unwittingly put him up on a pedestal and made an idol out of him. Any person, job, ministry, thing that we put before God in our life can become an idol. When we put our faith and hope in any human being, we will be disappointed. It is only God who never fails or disappoints.
“When we put our faith and hope in any human being, we will be disappointed. ”
vanessa speaking at nuyaka baptist church
Our beloved IHOPKC family/community has recently been ripped apart by allegations of misconduct by it’s founder, Mike Bickle. There is an investigation led by a third party law firm, and I do not know what the outcome will be. I do know, however, what God says about each person involved—that they are sons and daughters of a loving and merciful God who is committed to love, healing, truth and righteousness….who is committed to purifying His Bride (the Church). I keep thinking of the mount of transfiguration, when Peter, James and John saw Jesus in His glorified form, speaking with Elijah and Moses. Peter “did not know what to say”, but started talking. How often do we do this? We don’t know what to say but we start talking anyway…start posting…sharing our opinions. This is never a good idea and yet I am guilty of this far more often than I care to admit. Oy. I am greatly encouraged, however, by this phrase. It is my prayer for myself, for my family, for you and for anyone who has ever been disappointed or hurt by a parent, mentor, boss, leader or ministry. . .
“But Jesus came and touched them. “Get up,” he said. “Don’t be afraid.” When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus. (Matt. 17:7-8)
What Do You Do With the Mad That You Feel?
What is your response to injustice? How do you deal with anger when everything seems to be just, well, wrong?
“What do you do with the mad that you feel, when you feel so mad you could bite? When the whole world seems oh, so wrong…and nothing you do seems very right?”
I love to go for prayer walks to calm down and re-center…especially near water!
These are the words from a song by Mr. Rogers. I watched Mr. Rogers as a child and have recently revisited some of his wonderful wisdom after the release of the film about his life. After watching the recent events in our nation, this particular episode keeps coming to mind.
In another video of Mr. Rogers’ proposal for funding for educational television in front of a senate committee (you can also find this online), he expressed his concern about the violence children were being exposed to on television. He made an impassioned, yet humble plea that included a plan that would allow him to be part of the solution. And I believe he was.
David issued an outcry for justice in Psalm 139.
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you (God)? Yes, I hate them with a total hatred, for your enemies are my enemies. (Psalm 139:21-22)
Whoa. Does this sound familiar? And yet, David gave us the answer in the next breath.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. (Psalm 139:23-24)
David was angry at the injustice he saw, but he asked God to (FIRST) expose any wrong motives in his own heart AND THEN for God to guide his actions. Try asking yourself: Why does this make me so angry? What is the root? What has happened in my past that is triggering this reaction? How can I be part of the solution? (with love and humility?) Am I shutting down the dialogue with my own monologue of pain? Am I seeking first to understand before I try to be understood?
The rest of Mr. Rogers’ song goes like this:
What do you do? Do you punch a bag? Do you pound some clay or some dough? Do you round up friends for a game of tag? Or see how fast you can go? It's great to be able to stop…when you've planned a thing that's wrong, And be able to do something else instead…I can stop when I want to, can stop when I wish. I can stop, stop, stop any time. And what a good feeling to feel like this, and know that the feeling is really mine. Know that there's something deep inside, that helps us become what we can. For a girl can be someday a woman…And a boy can be someday a man. —Fred (Mr.) Rogers
Mr. Rogers gives children (and us!) practical steps to process feelings and emotions of anger. My goal is not to point out things you “should” do. I only want you to consider—what do you do when you feel angry, frustrated, sad or afraid? Maybe you have a punching bag in your garage or perhaps you bake bread or shoot clay pigeons. Do you work in the garden or paint or play the drums? I’d love to hear yours! Here are some of mine:
Go for a walk. I know I talk a lot about the benefits of prayer walking, but I can’t count the number of times over the years that a few laps around the block or neighborhood, school building or apartment complex have helped me to “stop” and “do something else instead.” I had a chance to practice it today when a new neighbor did not pick up after his dog who relieved himself in our yard. (!)
Turn up the worship music. Savannah reminded me of this recently. She has been disappointed by the way her senior year ended and has been missing her high school friends. “I’ve been listening to ‘The Blessing’ on repeat during my drives back and forth to work. It has really helped my attitude.” I also find it helpful to listen to podcasts like Happier with Gretchen Rubin, Your Move by Pastor Andy Stanley, and Enjoying Everyday Life by Joyce Meyer. I love podcasts!
Play an instrument. Even if you only know a few chords (like me) on the keyboard or guitar or ukelele, try learning a song you love! I also love to choose a simple 3 or 4 chord progression and play it over and over again. Often I will open my Bible or choose a verse to sing. Who knows? You may even write a new song!
Discuss it with a friend. I am a verbal processor, which means my brain processes information while I am talking. This is frustrating for Jeff, who is a problem solver. He hears a problem and immediately wants to fix it, but often I just need him to listen because as I am talking, the Lord often reveals a solution or revelation. I thank God for friends who allow me (even now through Zoom and FaceTime) to talk through issues of the heart. Who can you call today?
Journal. I am forever grateful to the junior high teacher (Mrs. Gaines) who introduced me to journaling. When Hannah was mistreated and “deeply troubled”, she “poured out her soul before the Lord.” (1 Sam. 1:15) Once when I read this, God highlighted the spiritual discipline of journaling.
As Mr. Rogers taught children alternatives to violence, I want to teach middle school, junior high, high school and even college students that there is “a more excellent way.” Let’s pray for wisdom, love and humility. Let’s be part of the solution.
You can help me be part of the solution! Join me as I create curriculum for students that will help them connect with God and live with purpose by making a tax-deductible donation here:
What are some healthy ways you deal with
“the mad that you feel”?
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