Abraham was too old. Noah got drunk. Isaac was a daydreamer. Jacob lied. Joseph was abused. Moses stuttered. Jeremiah and Timothy were too young. Rahab was a prostitute. David was a murderer and an adulterer. Elijah was suicidal. Isaiah preached naked. Jonah ran from God. Naomi was a widow. Job went bankrupt. Peter denied Christ. Martha was too busy. Mary Magdalene was demon-possessed. The Samaritan woman was divorced…more than once. Paul was a murderer. Zaccheus was too small, and Lazarus was dead!

I used to carry this passage around with me on a piece of paper inside my planner so I could get it out and look at it every now and then—just to remind me that all God has to use is weak and broken people. He even spoke through a donkey, which is good news for us who feel called into ministry but also feel woefully inadequate. Sigh.

My pastor and spiritual father used to tell me, “God doesn’t need your ability, Vanessa. He needs your availability. He also said, “God doesn’t call the qualified; He qualifies the called.” (Thank you Pastor Gary :) This helped me so much in my early years of ministry when the “imposter syndrome” would often creep in….that seething whispering voice of the Enemy that says, “Who do you think you are?”

According to clinical psychologists Pauline Clancy and Suzanne Imes, imposter syndrome is the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways. This condition often results in people feeling like “a fraud” or “a phony” and doubting their abilities.

If you are feeling inept or inadequate in any area of your life, this article is for you. In it, I’m going to share two key points that have helped me again and again to remember who I am and WHOSE I am, and to silence the voice of the accuser when he comes to tell me I am not good enough.

I remember that I am only the vessel. The power and anointing that breaks yokes come from God. Have you ever gotten somewhere and realized that you don’t know how you got there? It’s unnerving, but leaves you feeling so grateful that you are surrounded by angels and that Someone is guiding and even carrying you at times. Recently, I heard someone talking about the memoir, Hearing AIDS: How a Deaf Child with AIDS Taught Me to Hear God’s Voice. They said, “I read through it so quickly. The end of each chapter left me wanting to keep reading an know more…” I hear comments like this often, and I stare at them in wonder. Mainly because I don’t know how it happened. I don’t know this book got finished, how it flows so smoothly, how the end of each chapter has just enough suspense that causes the reader want to keep going. I know these are skills of good writers, but I don’t remember intentionally being able to do this. Mother Theresa once called herself “a little pencil in God’s hand.” The English teacher in me loves this metaphor! This helps me in speaking, teaching, and song writing. My part is to walk to the podium, sit down at the keyboard or laptop-and He will do the rest.
I remember that my mentors, leaders and family members are also clay (human) vessels. One of the most difficult memories in my life was the first time I realized my father was human, a mere man.(!) Growing up, he was larger than life to me. His presence filled every room he walked into. He loved better, was more generous and wise than anyone I knew. Yet he was a flawed man, and the first time I discovered a moral failing on his part, it turned my world upside down. And yet it was one of the best things to happen to me and to our relationship.

I realize now that I had unwittingly put him up on a pedestal and made an idol out of him. Any person, job, ministry, thing that we put before God in our life can become an idol. When we put our faith and hope in any human being, we will be disappointed. It is only God who never fails or disappoints.

“When we put our faith and hope in any human being, we will be disappointed. ”

Sharing Maegan's message of hope at Nuyaka Baptist Church — vanessa speaking at nuyaka baptist church

Our beloved IHOPKC family/community has recently been ripped apart by allegations of misconduct by it’s founder, Mike Bickle. There is an investigation led by a third party law firm, and I do not know what the outcome will be. I do know, however, what God says about each person involved—that they are sons and daughters of a loving and merciful God who is committed to love, healing, truth and righteousness….who is committed to purifying His Bride (the Church). I keep thinking of the mount of transfiguration, when Peter, James and John saw Jesus in His glorified form, speaking with Elijah and Moses. Peter “did not know what to say”, but started talking. How often do we do this? We don’t know what to say but we start talking anyway…start posting…sharing our opinions. This is never a good idea and yet I am guilty of this far more often than I care to admit. Oy. I am greatly encouraged, however, by this phrase. It is my prayer for myself, for my family, for you and for anyone who has ever been disappointed or hurt by a parent, mentor, boss, leader or ministry. . .

“But Jesus came and touched them. “Get up,” he said. “Don’t be afraid.” When they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus. (Matt. 17:7-8)

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